Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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