i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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