a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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