oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
