I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
