They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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