We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
