The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
