OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
