It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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