my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
