Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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