He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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