Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
