I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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