I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
