you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
