eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
