I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
