I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
