True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize