is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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