The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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