I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
