Can i not drive my cunt home
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
