Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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