Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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