Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
