Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
