I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i think i just lost a toe
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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