absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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