she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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