just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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