All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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