This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
