You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
