So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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