I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
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With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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