I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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