I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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