Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
