About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
