Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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