I want to stick my p in your. b.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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