apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
