I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
