I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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