she looked like the before picture.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
