I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
