he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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