hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize