yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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