The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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