whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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