im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The struggles of a small town man whore
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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