she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
