It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
