god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
