a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Of course I have a pirate flag
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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