Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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